Marcuson’s Church Leadership Blog:

Are you stuck in a rut? Do you find yourself searching the web for solutions to ministry problems, or looking for the latest church leadership workshop? I’d like to suggest some other ways to generate new ideas. We all have more resources and creativity than we realize, both within ourselves and within our church.

1. Think about what you want in your ministry (or your life), not what you ought to want.
2. Put your body in a different position. Take a walk, or lie down on the floor.
3. Drink some water and breathe deeply. Your brain needs water and oxygen to work.
4. Do the dishes. You’ll be surprised what crossing your hands in running water can do for your brain.
5. Write down the problem or issue, and make a list of ten solutions you’ve never thought of before. Don’t worry if some of them are ridiculous. Pick the two or three best and try them out.
6. Think about what would be fun to do, rather than the right or best idea.
7. Use colored markers to write down new ideas. Or draw some pictures.
8. Pray about it before you go to bed, then forget about it while you sleep. Write down any ideas you have when you first wake up.
9. In meetings, give people two or three minutes to think of their own ideas before you begin discussing an issue.
10. Ask someone unexpected for their ideas. If you’re in a preaching rut, ask your 10-year-old for sermon ideas. If you want some new ideas for youth ministry, ask the most relaxed 80-year-old you know for his or her thoughts.

I’m indebted to Dave Ellis for some of these ideas, and for stimulating my own thinking on ways to come up with new ideas. I’ve been experimenting with them in my own life and work.

What ideas do you have for getting new ideas?

1. According to the gospels, Jesus talked about money and possessions frequently. It seems like it is worthy of more of church leaders’ attention than we give it in our preaching and teaching.

2. People have to deal with money every day. We need to provide more spiritual support for them in their daily lives with money.

3. We need practice. Talking about money makes many church leaders anxious. If we can talk about it more often, we may find ourselves finding it easier to preach, teach and talk about money.

4. People need to learn more about giving. The people who give are those who were taught to give. If we never talk about it, or only during a few brief weeks of the year, how can they learn how to give?

5. The people who get most upset hearing more about money are likely giving little. We don’t need to allow them to determine the level of the conversation.

6. If we preach and teach about money more, we may feel more inclined to align our lives with what we say and become more generous ourselves.

7. If we extend our conversations about money beyond the finance team or board, we’ll expand our sense of what is possible.

8. People are receiving anxious messages about the money from the media. We need to counter this with a message of gratitude and provision, more often than once a year.

My father just turned 89. “Did you ever think you’d live this long?” I asked him. “No,” he said. I’m sure glad he has. I’m learning from him how to get old. The last year and a half has not been easy for him: moving from their home, community and church of over 25 years, and even more difficult, losing my mother last June. Yet while he still grieves the many losses, especially of my mom, he does his best to stay engaged. He goes to church, he attends activities at the facility where he lives, he continues to engage with people. We took him out for hamburgers last Saturday to celebrate his birthday, and while he was waiting for us to gather our things to leave, he said to some people coming in, “I ate all the hamburgers!” then reassured them he was just joking. Turns out one of them was celebrating his birthday, too — 39! We all agreed my dad looks pretty good for 89.

Here are some other things I’ve learned from him:

To marry (and stay married to) someone who continues to fascinate and interest you.
To be friendly to everyone. (My dad never met a stranger.)
To do work you love (he worked until he was 85, and still misses it).
Not to give up on life when it is difficult.

I came across an article about Vaclav Havel in The Economist. I was particularly struck by the last paragraph: “It was Mr Havel’s genius that he not only toppled communism, but offered a way out of its ruins that all could follow: calming nerves, laying ghosts and precluding revenge. He had a better claim to resentment than most. But he showed no sign of being burdened by the past. He was far happier about things that had gone successfully than cross about those that had gone wrong. Although humble enough to know he was not a perfect man, he was confident that his ideas were right. His favourite motto summed it up: ‘Truth and love must prevail over lies and hate.’ Read the whole article here.

I was struck by several things related to church life: first, church leaders do sometimes get treated badly by church, and it can be easy to get annoyed if not resentful. Of course, we expect better behavior from the church than from a communist regime. Yet clinging to old hurts does not help us, and does not help the church. Secondly, being happier about what’s gone right than “cross” (love that British-ism) about what’s gone wrong is an easier and more productive way to live and lead. It’s all to easy to zero in on the failures and limitations of ourselves and others. But does it really help us move forward? Finally, a balance between humility and confidence is essential for leadership.

Rev. Don Ng, pastor of First Chinese Baptist Church in San Francisco, offered a wise and thoughtful perspective on church leadership on yesterday’s teleconference. I appreciated his perspective on time. He said he likes to see his life as well as his ministry as only a part of a larger picture. “I refer to myself as a blip in God’s overall majestic plan, particularly for this church.” His church was founded in 1880. He said, “I happen to be filling the role of pastor. If I think it’s all up to me, it’s quite challenging. Things happened before, and things will happen in the future.” He also referenced the Asian view of time. “Asians tend to see the world like the yin and the yang: things come and things go.”

Regarding the inevitable criticisms and even attacks that can come our way, he acknowledged that “One cannot not take it personally when criticism and opposition and attacks come at you. We remain human beings.” But, he added, “Mature leaders know it’s the office that we hold that is under attack. Initially it’s natural to recognize that it does affect us emotionally, but in time, we see that in fulfilling our role we are called to lay out our vision and purpose,” and there’s a price to be paid for that. He suggested that there’s also a time to back off, and allow other church leaders to find their own views. “It’s not only my agenda.” He added later, “We need to be conscious that we’re not self-made.”

He added, “You play hard if you want to stay in ministry.” He sets his tennis games as if they were church meetings, and does his best not to miss them. He said that if people can see we are fully devoted, they will be comfortable with us taking time off. He suggested that having outside interests not only adds balance, but “it makes you more interesting to your church members.”

The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com, and I’ll send you the link.

When my kids were teenagers I developed three rules for parenting teenagers:

1. Don’t take it too seriously.

2. Don’t take it personally.

3. Pay more attention to your goals for yourself than your goals for them.

These rules might apply to congregational life as well. I’m not saying churches are adolescent (although most churches have some adults who act that way). But all churches face some times of heightened anxiety where leaders can find it challenging to deal with the reactivity in themselves and others.

Let’s take a look at how these might apply for church leaders:

1. Don’t take it too seriously. Edwin Friedman used to say seriousness was a sign of anxiety. If you can lighten up yourself, relationships are likely to go better. You can tell yourself, “There they go again…” and sigh gently, rather than beating your head against the wall.

2. Don’t take it personally. If you are the leader, you automatically become the focus for other people’s anxiety. It goes with the job. I know if people are criticizing you or even attacking you, it’s hard not to take it personally. But the more you can recognize it’s about your position, not you, the better you will be able to lead through difficult times. And the less likely you are to be damaged by the arrows flying your way.

3. Pay more attention to your goals for yourself than your goals for them. “What?” you may ask. “Isn’t it my job to have goals for the congregation?” Of course there’s a place for congregational goals, developed in conversation with key leaders and members. But ultimately, you can’t control whether the church reaches its goals. It’s a collaborative effort. But if you have clear goals for your own growth and functioning, you are making a real contribution for the church. Your goals might be spiritual (I intend to spend daily time in meditation this year). They might be emotional (I intend to do some focused family of origin exploration this year). They might be personal administrative goals (I intend to learn more about effective supervision this year). But these are goals which depend on you and your effort.

Just as mature parents are the best gift to their teenage children, mature leaders are a gift to the congregation. It’s hard for an anxious leader to have a real long-term impact on a church. Paradoxically, when you focus on yourself, you’ll have more influence.

So I gave up worry for Lent. (Here’s the original post.) To be honest, I didn’t really give it up completely, but I worried less. I found myself able to notice my worry and let it go quicker. I loved having permission to let things go.

I learned a few years ago that the Lenten discipline traditionally ends after the Maundy Thursday service. Oddly enough, I found myself overtaken on Thursday by worry about some future travel plans to a ridiculous extent.

Still, a 40+ day practice of at least paying attention to my worry and taking it less seriously is progress. How do you take worry less seriously? A friend of mind, Bill Conerly, sent the following suggestion: “One thing that I think would be great: a list of things you’ll worry about after Lent. In fact, that could be a whole great approach; set a time to worry. When you start to worry, put that on the list of things to worry about during your worry time. Then spend 20 minutes a week catching up on all the worrying you’ve set aside.” Thanks, Bill. I’ll give it a try.

I happened across a copy of the December 17, 2011 Economist, and was intrigued to find an article titled, “How Luther went viral.” It makes the comparison between the spread and acceptance of Luther’s ideas to last year’s “Arab spring.” The article suggests that “the important factor was not the printing press itself (which had been around since the 1450s), but the wider system of media sharing along social networks – what is called ‘social media’ today.” Pamphlets and broadsheets were spread from one person and one community to another. Popular pamphlets were reprinted quickly. People read them and discussed them. The article concludes “Today’s social-media systems do not just connect us to each other: they also link us to the past.” Relationship systems are part of human experience, from the beginning until now. Church leaders have always needed to be savvy about navigating those webs of relationships.

Are you clear on what you need to be saying, who you need to be saying it to, and what media you intend to use?

Today I gave a talk to a group of volunteers who support senior adults by facilitating small groups. I spoke about overfunctioning/underfunctioning and triangles, and the group seemed to resonate, both in their volunteer work and their personal lives.

It struck me as I was talking, and I said to them, that as useful as these theoretical ideas are, the real question is, can we be a little lighter in our relationships? Can we quit trying so hard? Can we have fun with people, accept them, enjoy them? So often church leaders get so serious about everything, both organizationally and pastorally. So we very seriously try to whip others into shape (overfunctioning) and manage the relationships of others (get caught in triangles).

Of course, often we are catching the anxiety of others who are very serious about the issue on the table: “Pastor, you’ve got to do something about Sue and Frank!” “If we don’t increase giving soon, we’ll have trouble meeting payroll…” It’s easy to get sucked in.

One way for church leaders to develop more immunity to the anxiety of others is to cultivate a lightness of spirit. There are many ways to work on this: meditation, music, humor (not sarcasm, which is anxiety-driven), play. Of course, you still have to practice incorporating that lightness into relationships with others at church, and elsewhere. Fortunately, people will give you ample opportunity to practice – probably daily.

Easter is a time to consider hope. This year I’ve been reading a book by David Steindl-Rast, Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer. He’s a wise Benedictine monk. In a chapter on hope, Steindl-Rast suggests considering a pet project, and your hopes related to that project. Then he says, imagine every one of those hopes going down the drain. “The hope that is left after all your hopes are gone – that is pure hope, rooted in the heart.” I find these words challenging and encouraging.

I often work with church leaders on letting go of the outcome – you can’t control the outcome, only yourself. Others will do what they do, wider forces are at work in society – there is so much out of our control. Steindl-Rast’s approach to hope is the ultimate letting go of the outcome. We are not dependent on a certain result for the reality of God’s love to be real. Clergy (including myself), no matter what we preach, too often act as if we have to earn our salvation: God will accept us if we have a certain number of people in church (and it better be more than last year), touch so many lives, work so many hours, answer so many texts and e-mails, preach increasingly dynamic sermons.

When I was a pastor, every Easter someone said, “Wouldn’t it be great if we had this many people every Sunday?” I always felt the sting of it – I took those words into myself. “If I were a better pastor, we would have this many people every Sunday,” I thought on some level. Now, I’m all for reaching more people, for doing your best in worship, preaching, organization, and outreach. But there’s a difference between working hard and working compulsively. There’s a difference between serving God and others, and thinking God will only love you if you produce.

Thankfully, our ultimate hope does not depend on our results. There’s great spiritual freedom in claiming that hope, regardless of our current circumstances. What better time than Easter to remember this reality?

So, brothers and sisters, this Easter – receive God’s love. Have fun at the Easter services. Experience hope – this Sunday – and next!