You may have a higher net worth than Donald Trump

250px-Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore

Do you know what your net worth is? No, not that net worth, your personal net worth. Not the dollars you have, but the qualities and results you have developed, and the liabilities you have personally. Here’s how it works: you list your assets and current liabilities in detail. You do this in the areas of being, doing and having (not things, but results you have created in your life).

I don’t know what Donald Trump’s personal net worth might be, but I do know that personal net worth does not depend on financial net worth.

I’ve created this list as part of a course I’m taking, and it’s been valuable. It’s helped me myself see more clearly. I’ve interviewed several friends and family members about this, which has given me feedback on how others see me (which has been both amazing and challenging).

Here are a few of my personal assets and liabilities:

ASSETS

Being:

Wise (on a good day)

Loyal to friends and family

Doing:

Published two books

Fast typist

Having (results)

Many people have read my writing

Two young adult children who live independently

Liabilities

Being:

Inflexible sometimes

Judgmental of myself and others (on a bad day

Doing:

Slow to complete projects and implement new ideas

Eat ice cream secretly (true confessions!)

Having:

Have not reached as many people with my message as I would like

Have not maintained relationships with some members of my extended family

I’m committed to increasing my personal net worth.

Want to try it? Take 10 minutes and make a quick list of your being/doing/having assets and liabilities.

Photo

9 warning signs that your church may have high anxiety about money

Seroquel-25mg

Money easily becomes a focus for people’s anxiety. Our survival–personal and institutional–depends on money, so it draws our anxious attention. This ongoing chronic anxiety about survival shows up in a variety of ways in congregational life

Here are some of the ways:

  1. Secrecy around money.
  2. Denial of financial realities-thinking there isn’t enough when there is, or thinking there is enough when there isn’t.
  3. Overestimating or underestimating giving capacity.
  4. Regular “crises” around finances, real or imagined.
  5. Embezzlement or mismanagement (or simply unwillingness to open up the books to audit).
  6. Resisting necessary expenses like deferred maintenance.
  7. Persistent criticism of the way church leadership raises funds.
  8. Never talking about money, or, conversely, always talking about money.
  9. Blind trust in the leadership around money matters, or, conversely, extreme suspicion of leadership.

What’s a leader to do? You can’t make others be less anxious. What you can do: manage your own anxiety and be clear about what you will and won’t do (“I’m going to share with the congregation the facts about our mid-year financial report,” or, “I’m not going to ask people to make an extra gift for the third time this year.”). Let go of what you can’t control. One pastor recognized that he couldn’t make the board decide to spend funds on deferred maintenance. He said, “I strongly recommend you do this, and I know it’s your decision.” The board said no that year, but the following year, they were able to make a different decision.

Don’t tear your hair out. Many of these patterns have persisted for decades. In churches with more extreme patterns, there’s only so much you can do. Be patient, don’t be too willful, and make it a research project. Get curious about how do they do things, how long they’ve been doing it that way, and when you notice the pattern intensify or lessen. See what you can learn about yourself and how you relate to others who are anxious about money.

What do you notice about your church?

Photo credit

Money and Your Ministry online course, with Israel Galindo

file9101262998451

by Israel Galindo

(Guest post today by Israel Galindo, my co-teacher for the Columbia Theological Seminary online course on Money and Your Ministry, coming in October.)

I’m looking forward to co-teaching the online course Money and Your Ministry with Margaret Marcuson, the author of the book by the same name, which will serve as our text. The course will be offered by the Center for Lifelong Learning at Columbia Theological Seminary in October 2014. In preparation I’ve been reading two additional resources. First, I’ve revisited Loren Mead’s seminal work, Financial Meltdown in the Mainline?

In his book, Mead posited, ”In our use and misuse of these words–money, tithing, proportional giving, endowment, planned giving, fund raising, stewardship–we are crippled in addressing our financial problem because of our ambivalence and complex emotional feelings. … we are in deep water in the financial crisis that is rapidly approaching, this doublemindedness, and sometimes doubletalk, about money will handicap us in solving our financial problems almost as much as it already complicates our spiritual relationship to the world and to God.” (p. 88). 

Mead observed, “In short, clergy are uncertain and uncomfortable about money, and their leadership in this area of responsibility is not as strong, clear, and effective as their leadership in many other areas.” (p. 103). Having consulted with clergy leaders for over twenty years, aside from dealing with difficult relationships and lacking expertise in organizational development, providing leadership in the area of money and ministry is the biggest challenge, and often the most precarious liability, for many pastors. 

Along the lines of the intent of the course, Mead wrote that clergy “need to know why they feel uncomfortable talking about money when Jesus talked about it more than any other topic he is recorded as having talked about.” (p. 103). Typically, money is not the troubling issue (simply put, one typically doesn’t have enough, has too much, or, has sufficient), it is the leader’s relationship with money, and what it represents, that is determinative of effectiveness.  

The second resource I’ve been reading is the more recent work by Lisa A Keister,  Faith and Money: How Religion Contributes to Wealth and Poverty. Keister is professor of sociology at Duke University. Keister’s book acknowledges the under appreciated influence of religion, and religious beliefs, on American’s incomes, savings, and net worth. Keisler wrote, “Religious beliefs and values are an important part of culture, and what I showed was that these beliefs and values are indeed important motivators of the behaviors that lead to a critical component of well-being: wealth ownership.” (p. 223). In her book she demonstrates the relationships between religious affiliation and wealth, and, values regarding work and money. Her work does not merely propose the idea that religion matters for wealth accumulation, but she also provides strong empirical evidence to demonstrate that the two are closely related. 

Of particular interest to those with a family systems theory orientation will be Keister’s approach in her research: ”I began by exploring the intergenerational and demographic processes through which religion directly affects wealth. I showed patterns by religion in family background, including parents’ income, education, wealth (by exploring inheritance), immigrant status, and childhood family structure.” (p. 220). 

At the very least, these two studies underscore two important points:

1. The relationship between money and ministry is important, and we should understand it.

2. The relationship we have with money is important, and we should talk about it. 

Interested in learning more? Join us for the course Money and Your Ministry. 

Israel Galindo is Associate Dean for Lifelong Learning at the Columbia Theological Seminary. Formerly, he was Dean at the Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond. He is the author of the bestseller, The Hidden Lives of Congregations (Alban), Perspectives on Congregational Ministry (Educational Consultants) and A Family Genogram Workbook (Educational Consultants), with Elaine Boomer and Don Reagan. Galindo contributes to the Wabash Center’s blog for theological school deans.

 

Image

 

 

Let’s practice all year what we preach on the Fourth of July

beach smaller

It’s always easier to speak lofty ideals than to live up to them.

Preachers face this difficult challenge. Week after week, we have to get up in the pulpit and give sermons, of all things. We consult with people on the most intimate challenges of their lives, and try to be helpful. It’s a lifelong challenge to live with integrity in the face of what we preach whether it is about prayer, money or relationships.

But preachers aren’t the only ones who face this challenge. On U.S. Independence Day, I’ve been thinking about American ideals and the daily opportunity to live up to them. This gorgeous photo (from Death to the Stock Photo) reminds me of the phrase “from sea to shining sea” in “God Bless America.”

When I was choosing hymns for worship, I wasn’t crazy about patriotic hymns around the Fourth of July. I felt like worship should be about God, not praising America. But the one patriotic song I liked the best and seemed most appropriate for worship was “America the Beautiful.” The lyrics say this:

God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

With the caveat that the language is a bit patriarchal (natural for a song written around the turn of the last century) what I like is that it is aspirational. It means not that God has shed his grace on thee, but may God shed his grace on thee, and may God crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea. The song expresses that hope that we may live out our ideals of universal brother- and sisterhood across the nation.

We’ve got a long way to go, but we’ve made progress since 1900 and even more since 1776.

My hope for preachers, Christians and citizens is that we can all embody more fully these ideals between now and the next July 4.

5 ways to enjoy summer like Calvin and Hobbes

Ferris Wheel smaller

It’s summer now in the Northern Hemisphere. The comic strip characters Calvin and Hobbes used summer for fun, getting out and doing things, contemplation, and doing nothing. Not a bad example for church leaders. Here are five ways to follow their example:

  1. Fun. Fun is underrated. I love this image from Israel Galindo. Whether you are a Ferris wheel person or not, find something to do that makes you laugh. It’s easier to take church lightly (in a good way) if you’re having fun outside of church, at least now and then. The cranky person who always makes a direct line for you after worship to complain will not loom so large. For a little online fun, check out Calvin and Hobbes Daily.
  2. Light. A recent Wall Street Journal talked about research into the importance of light. Longer days are good for your brain. And the long days mean you can stand outside a little longer talking to folks after a meeting or show up at outdoor parties to build relationships. Or take a walk with someone to have an important conversation – you may find that light and movement create a different kind of connection.
  3. Reading. I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, “I’m going to read that book this summer.” (Some of them have said it about my book, which makes me happy.) Most of us won’t get through the whole stack, but vacation time and fewer meetings mean you have more time to catch up on books that can enhance ministry. If you read mostly ministry books, try something different: biography, fiction or an art book. Or try a Calvin and Hobbes book.
  4. Family time. I don’t just mean spending time with your spouse and kids if you have them, although that’s important. People often use summer travel to connect with extended family. If you’re making a family visit this year, try to learn something about your family that you didn’t know before the trip. Why did your father ask your mother out on that first date? What does your sister love about her work? Cultivating more curiosity and less judgment with the wider family will help you do the same at church.
  5. Rest. Get some rest this summer. It’s underrated as a ministry essential. Exhausted ministers have less perspective and tend to be more reactive. For some in ministry, summer is a great time to slow down. (If you’re in youth or camping ministry, you may need to choose another season!) A couple of suggestions: try a media-free week. (My media-addicted daughter suggested this one!) Or take a nap every day for a week. Either way, you’ll have a different perspective at the end of the week

What are you doing to enjoy yourself this summer?

Six lies about money church leaders tell themselves

10348742_10152508008252460_3695790458066659236_o

Here are six things church leaders often say about money that aren’t true. Strictly speaking, they aren’t lies, since often those leaders believe them to be true. They all get in the way of finding the resources you need to carry out ministry.

  1. We don’t have enough money. Here’s another view from Episcopal priest, Howard Anderson: “The church budget is this: What is God calling us to do, and what does it cost? That’s the budget. God gives us all we have, so all we’re doing is giving back a small portion of that. In 34 years of full-time ministry, every time I’ve taken the risk to step out and say, we really need to do this because we all know God is calling us, the money comes.” In fact, a vision of God’s call gives you the energy to find the money to fulfill the call.
  2. Our people are giving all they can. The average Christian gives about 2% of their income. Of course, people struggle with debt which can make it hard to decide to give more. (See this article by Israel Galindo.) Yet most people can make some choices (give up a daily latte, for example) which will enable them to give more, if they have a reason to do so.
  3. Money is the root of all evil. Many church people are afraid of dealing with money, talking openly about it and spending it appropriately on ministry. They may not say that money is the root of all evil, but they act like it. Of course, the real biblical quite is “the love of money is the root of all evil.” (I Timothy 6:10)
  4. Cutting the budget is our only choice. There are times for a thoughtful budget cutback. Yet all too often, that’s the first resort, not the last. Instead of “How are we going to cut the budget so it balances, a different question is, “What are the many ways we can have a balanced or close-to-balanced budget?” Try it. You’ll come up with a variety of solutions to choose from.
  5. People will get upset if we talk about money more. Given that many churches only talk about it once a year, “more” doesn’t mean much of an increase.  A quarterly focus on giving, or on how to grow a spiritual approach to our resources, will be a real contribution to your people. And the people who get most upset usually are giving nothing.
  6. We’re a poor church. You’re only a poor church if you think you are. A key leader said to one minister, “This should be a poor church.” Sometimes leaders think the people need to think the church is poor or they won’t keep giving. In fact, people are more likely to be motivated to give to a going concern that has a lively mission.

Are you and your leaders telling themselves any of these lies?

 

Image courtesy of Israel Galindo

Are you feeling left out? Three things for church leaders to remember

file0001672505574smaller

Sometimes pastors and church staff get left out: when the trustees meet and don’t tell you. When you walk into a room and people immediately get quiet. The classic parking lot meeting.

What’s going on here? A triangle occurs when the relationship between two people becomes troubled, and a third person (or group) is pulled in to manage the anxiety between the two.  In the situations above, you are being triangled out.

Church leaders cannot avoid these triangles; they go with the territory. In addition, triangles are not bad in and of themselves: they are part of human experience.

It’s easy to get defensive when you are left out of important conversations. Yet a defensive response rarely helps. What does help: a clear response: “I’d like to be included in the next trustee meeting, John” – without that anxious edge to your voice, if you can.

Or simply get less upset that people are talking about you. Easy to say, I know. Still, the situation is more likely to escalate if you get worked up about it, especially if you try to anxious recruit people for your “side.” An alternative response: “There they go again…”

Notice your comfort level in triangles. This comes from the families we grow up in. I grew up on the inside, and I like to be included. I hate being left out. Over many years, I’ve learned to react less. My husband grew up on the outside, and he likes it there. People confide in him because he’s calm. But he wishes they wouldn’t.

We’ve both learned to recognize these patterns in ourselves, both in our family relationships and our professional life. But those automatic responses lurk below the surface.

Remember:

  1. You can’t get out of triangles. They are part of the job.
  2. Know your own preferred pattern, and how you react when people relate to you differently. Do you like to be on the inside or outside?
  3. If you like to be in, increase your comfort level with being left out. Don’t get defensive. Simply observe yourself and others. Believe it or not, that’s a real contribution.

What are ways can you observe the triangles around you more carefully, especially when you get left out?

Ten tips for music ministers

choir-305352_640

 

1                   Remember music is one of the two most volatile areas of ministry. (Children/youth is the other).  Don’t be surprised when people get reactive about the music ministry.

2                    Consider carefully whether to ask clergy and other staff members to sing in the choir.  You need some distance from this high-anxiety area of ministry within your working relationships. You can do it but keep your eyes and ears open.

3                    Hire other musicians who are as emotionally mature as possible.  Talent is important, but the ability to work with others and be supervised by someone is as critical.

4                    Learn about the history of the music ministry in your congregation.  Fights about music are often the focus of anxiety, not “about” the music at all.

5                    Watch for those who are able to stay calm in the middle of turmoil in the music ministry.  Look for ways to make them leaders.

6                    Keep your sense of humor. Whether it’s a musical, administrative, personnel or budget issue, getting quickly to laughter will help you sustain yourself.

7                    Challenge other musicians to respond maturely to criticism.  Stayaware of the tendency to get defensive and to defend your team to the congregation.  Defensiveness rarely helps.

8                    Be clear on your own philosophy of music and its contribution to worship.  Over time, share that with the pastor, lay leaders and with musicians in a self-defining and non-blaming way:  “That’s my professional opinion.”

9                    Coach other music leaders to use music as a way to enhance and enliven worship, not as an end in itself.  Some will find this easier than others.  If they can’t see this point you may need another staff person or volunteer in that position

10                 Keep your own eye on the larger goal of connecting people with something beyond themselves.  Church music is not just about the music, but also to help people move toward God.

Coming soon: My new e-book, 111 Tips to Survive Music Ministry

Image credit