It’s no secret that many churches and pastors are worried about money nowadays. But Edwin Friedman used to say, “The issue is never the issue.” He meant that issues and problems which are perennial in church life, or the latest hot-button challenge, are really primarily a focus for people’s anxiety. We live in highly anxious times, and there’s a lot of free-floating anxiety around. Somehow we attach it to certain issues. In church life a few are favorites: music, children and youth ministry. And, of course, money. As one pastor said, “There always seems to be an exclamation point when money is involved.”

Of course there are genuine financial challenges that must be faced. Bills must be paid. Staff must receive their salaries. The endowment must be managed. Budgeting must be done (and sometimes cuts must be made). But if we can delete that exclamation point and stay calm even when others are anxious, we’ll provide better leadership and the church will make better decisions about financial matters.

Charles LaFond had some fascinating things to say about money and spirituality in the life of the church in Thursday’s teleconference. He said only half of the financial stewardship task is to raise the money: “It’s also a pastoral ministry with people who are having to deal with money every day.” He suggested that people are longing for the church to speak on this topic. “They know in their gut that spending money on themselves is not the goal. People are in this maelstrom, this storm in which fear and money converge. They are looking for a way to make right their relationships with God and with money.” This struck me — how often do we think of the stewardship campaign as pastoral.

He suggested that talking about the issue of money and how we live our life in relationship to it is an urgent matter, similar to what priests and ministers in London where people had experienced death and destruction in plague and the Great Fire. Preachers had to talk about it, and in the same way, clergy need to address the issue of money. “Our version of plague and fire is money, our greed, and the commercialization of language.” He suggested that in this day, clergy need to “preach boldly about money and possessions.” They also need to be teaching the essentials of the spiritual life such as silence, sabbath and spiritual practice — even beginning by suggesting families light a candle for five minutes in the morning.

And of course, that means that clergy need a spiritual life of their own. He said that in his ministry of spiritual direction at a retreat house for several years, he was struck so often by how exhausted and “un-sabbathed” the clergy were. Now in his conversations with churches before he does stewardship consulting, he first talks with the clergy and key lay leaders about their own spiritual lives.

The Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire has some wonderful stewardship resources on their website. The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com, and I’ll send you the link.

Do you look for spiritual support or guidance for your leadership? Whatever your own way, whether it’s private prayer, consulting a spiritual director or mentor, or taking a retreat, make sure you use it when you are leading in the area of money. If we can act on our spiritual principles rather than out of fear and anxiety, we will be able to make different financial decisions. If we seek to be thoughtful and not reactive, we will make different decisions. If we are able, out of spiritual power, to stick to our plan in the face of the reactivity of others, our churches will be healthier and more resilient places.

One pastor decided to go back to a basic daily prayer life at a time of financial crisis in the church. He found that this alone helped him to relate differently to the church finances. He simply went to the worship space every morning and sat there for five minutes. It wasn’t much, he knew, but he had spent so many years grinding away at his ministry, especially the financial and administrative side, without any kind of spiritual support. He intentionally prayed about the church’s finances and asked for the ability to let go. He noticed a small change almost immediately, and over time, he found that he was able to be quite different in church finance meetings. He began by saying, “I’d like us to begin this meeting with a time of prayer.” The hard-headed business people looked at him with a bit of a shock the first time. He made a little joke of it, “I’m the minister, after all; I decided it was my job to make us do this.” They chuckled, and then they went along with it. He found that he was more grounded in those meetings. There were still sharp disagreements. People still looked to him as the savior. But he was more able to let go and realized that the people had to save their own church if it was going to be saved.

Letting go of ultimate responsibility for the financial life of the churches we lead is a deeply spiritual matter. We can’t delegate leadership, but we can delegate anxiety: downward to those we lead and upward to God. That doesn’t mean we don’t have work to do or that we have no responsibilities, of course. But it positions us differently in relationship to the challenges. There’s a time just to go play golf or go to the movies or get ice cream, and simply let go. Then when we come back to work on the challenges of the ministry, including the finances, we’ll be more energetic and resourceful. We’ll be better able to hear the good ideas of others and respond.

Here are some questions to consider as you engage spiritually with money matters, personally and at church:

How have you experienced God’s abundance and provision?
What causes you to be distracted by anxieties about scarcity?
How can you incorporate your money life into your prayer life?
How can you bring your spiritual leadership at church into the area of money?
For whom do you need to pray about money: people in your church who don’t have enough? Or too much?

Money at church is so often an incredibly serious subject — especially when there isn’t enough of it! This week I was talking with Rev. Dayle Askey, pastor of Creator Lutheran Church in Clackamas, Oregon. Like so many churches, Creator is facing some financial challenges. And, as at many churches, at offering time the plates aren’t very full because most people give monthly, by check. Dayle suggested that people put an additional dollar in the offering plate per member of their family. She said that since they started this a few weeks ago, the ushers have had to walk carefully to bring the plates forward because they have been filled with ones and fives. “It’s playful,” Dayle says. “And it gives people awareness.”

While you can’t solve a budget crunch long-term with ones and fives, being lighthearted about money like this can help people think more creatively about money at church. Creator comes by this naturally: they even have a “fun” link on their home page. In last week’s teleconference, Larry Foster mentioned that Edwin Friedman used to say that anxiety and seriousness were Siamese twins. When we can get less serious, we’ll automatically be less anxious. And that helps us make better decisions.

Join me this Thursday, May 27, at 9 Pacific/10 Mountain/11Central/12 Eastern Time for a one hour conference call conversation with Larry Foster on the topic, “How Did You Learn about Money?”

The Rev. Dr. Larry L. Foster is the director of Clergy Seminars in Whitehall, MI. His own work with family process began in 1979 when he first heard Edwin Friedman talk about emotional triangles and anxiety. He has been a coach and consultant for sixteen years, working with Bowen Family Systems Theory, especially around leadership.

This is the next of a series of conversations with leaders on money and ministry, the topic of my forthcoming book. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com with your interest, and I’ll send you call-in information. If you can’t make the call, a recording will be available. There is no charge for the teleconference (long-distance charges apply) or the recording.

I hope you can make it Thursday!

Is your church facing financial decisions? Here are some questions that might be useful as you consider your process.

• What is the question that needs to be decided?
• When does a decision need to be made?
• Who else needs to contribute to this decision? Are we carrying the responsibility we need to as leaders, without anxiously looking for input as a way to avoid making a decision? Or are we hoarding information and the ability to contribute to a solution?
• Are we appropriately balancing the needs of the present with the needs of the future?
• Are we clear on the roles each person and group is playing — pastor, governing board, finance committee – and what those responsibilities entail?
• Are we sharing information appropriately? What do staff, other lay leadership and congregation need to know, and what is the right timing?
• On what assumptions are we basing our decisions? How do we know they are accurate?
• How is our faith informing this decision?

Do you have any questions you would add to this list?

We had a terrific conversation with family therapist and clergy coach Elaine Boomer on triangles at church around money. Here are a few quotes:

“Money is the hot topic everywhere, in my work with families and in my work with clergy. Money is a repository for anxiety. Anxiety is always floating around in churches and families and businesses. For example, if a pastor leaves a church, the anxiety goes up, and it looks for a place to land. In most churches it lands on money.”

“All triangles work the same: money isn’t the issue, it’s the anxiety. Look in your own family of origin and see what makes you anxious and what doesn’t. In all triangles you always have to be aware of what’s going on inside of you.”

“Don’t be so obsessed with the outcome. Stephen Covey says, “Do things with the end in mind, but let go of the outcome.” So you see possibility but you’re not so tied up with the outcome. It’s not about having no opinion but about letting other people in the triangle work out how they are going to be with the money.”

George Barna came out last month with a report looking at the state of mainline Protestant churches.

For church leaders, interesting elements of the report include:
The median age of mainline senior pastors has increased from 48 to 55 in the last decade.
The percentage of mainline senior pastors who are female has risen from 15% to 21% in the last decade.
Compensation levels have risen by 40% in the last decade.
On average, pastors last four years before moving to another congregation, about half the average among non-mainline Protestants.

According to the report summary, Barna identified “the quality of leadership provided, especially regarding vision, creativity, strategic thinking and the courage to take risks — as being the most critical element in determining the future health and growth of mainline congregations.”

Read the full report summary here.

Ed Bacon, rector of All Saints Church, Pasadena, offered some truly useful comments as part of yesterday’s teleconference. Here’s an excerpt from his opening remarks, in response to the question, “Why is staying connected so important for leadership?”

“My recent thinking has focused on making sure that as a pastor and as a friend and just a human being in relationship, I know the difference between a person’s being and doing. Too often leaders get focused on whether or not the people in their system are following them in their doing. Staying connected was a central truth of so much that I learned from Ed Friedman …. A leader can be so much more innovative, courageous, daring, adventurous, calm down the system down, to the degree that the connections are made vibrant and authentic….what is so important in relationships, is that we connect our being to the being of another person, and not have the relationship conditioned on whether or not someone agrees with us. People feel that: when you are together, they feel that they are important to you and you are important to them on the being level.”

The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com, and I’ll send you the link.

Are you paying enough attention to relationships? For those in highly relational fields such as ministry, that may seem like a silly question. For leaders, however, it’s crucial to think strategically as well as personally about relationships. To succeed, leaders must be well-connected to the group and to key individuals within it. A leader’s presence is as important for moving forward as his or her vision. No relationships means no leadership.

Pay extra attention to this part of a leader’s work at key times in organizational life. When you begin a new position, obviously. When you want to undertake a new initiative. When a crisis hits (but don’t wait for a crisis!). It can be time-consuming to stay connected, but it’s time well-spent.

You need some self-knowledge to stay in touch in a way that helps everyone. For example, what do you do when people disagree with you? Avoid them, or fight back? We all have automatic patterns in relationships, learned from our families. The more thoughtful you can be about yourself, the better you will do at relating to others.

Is it manipulative to think about relationships strategically? Perhaps, if that’s your only motivation. People sniff out phoniness in a second. Leaders need a genuine interest in others. But leaders also need a head above the crowd, to be able to survey the group and its context and thoughtfully consider what is best for all.

Here are some tips (and paradoxes) for considering how you are connected as a leader:
1. Spend the most time with those who are emotionally mature BUT don’t avoid those who are reactive. Work on your own reactivity to this second group.
2. Stay connected to those who disagree with you BUT don’t chase after people trying to convince them of your point of view.
3. Spend time strategically connecting with key people for the sake of your goals BUT be authentically interested in them while you are with them.
4. Pay attention to others and their responses BUT put most of your attention on yourself and your own response. You can’t control them, only yourself.