I spent quite a bit of time last week talking about clergy self-care with my colleagues at the American Baptist Churches Ministers Council Senate meeting in Green Lake, Wisconsin. One of the issues that came up is whether we pray and take care of self solely for the purpose of being better ministers.

Anne Dilenschneider wrote an outstanding piece in the Huffington Post a couple of weeks ago, Soul Care and the Roots of Clergy Burnout. She says, “The witness of spiritual directors over the centuries is that the leader’s need to ‘make a difference’ — the need to find personal significance through effectiveness — must be set aside in order to be ‘made different’ — the deeper need to discover one’s renewed identity through relationship with God.”

I think being effective leaders is critical. It’s a big part of the work I do with clergy. But it’s not the most important thing. Our own relationship with God and our experience of God’s love apart from what we produce is far more important.

What do you think?

Here are ten tips for church leaders on money and values:

1. Write down what your values about money are. It’s hard to lead others in this area if you are not clear yourself.

2. Start conversations with others, especially church leaders, where you ask them questions about their values about money. This is a contribution to them as well as to congregational life. Do this in a light and curious way, rather than a heavy-handed way.

3. Preach a sermon where you articulate your values about money to the congregation. Do this at a time which is not stewardship/pledge time.

4. Review your own spending. Compare your actual use of money with your stated values about it.

5. Assess the church budget to see what you think it says about the actual values of the congregation. Ask other leaders what they think the budget says about the church’s values (without trying to convince them to agree with your assessment).

6. Read some of the Scripture passages about money and try to imagine you are reading them for the first time. What values are expressed? Be open to surprising new perspectives.

7. Notice, without judgment, the choices you and others make about the church’s financial resources. See what you can learn over time about what is most valued.

8. Ask yourself, if you were going to add a new value about money, what would it be? (For example: generosity to self, tithing, buying locally.) Try acting as if this were one of your values for a day or a week.

9. Interview your best friend to find out what his or her values around money are. Notice how the responses are similar to and different from your own.

10. Put your own statement of values where you will find it a year from now. When you read it, notice if anything has changed.

Can we live healthier lives as church leaders? It’s true that ministry is a stressful line of work. The constant pressure of a Sunday sermon, endless pastoral needs, church conflict both big and small, community obligations – all can conspire to keep us from taking care of ourselves, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Working hard is not a bad thing at all. Ministry is hard work. But if it’s compulsive, then it’s a spiritual problem. If you can never let go, you will not be able to sustain yourself over time.

So what are some ways we can find greater health in our lives? My own experience and that of the many clergy with whom I coach and consult suggest most clergy are overfunctioners – we take too much responsibility for others and for the life of the church. This can lead to burnout, and to not enough time for family and for self-care. Asking clear questions such as: whose responsibility is this? Is it really mine? When do I need to let go? help create time and energy for the rest of life.

Mark says when Jesus and the disciples “had no leisure even to eat,” Jesus took them away from everything (Mark 7:31-32). Of course, they immediately got sucked in when people followed after Jesus. But Jesus at least made the effort to get away even when the workload was overwhelming.

We will never find greater health and wellness if we only think we “should” do it. More and more I’m working on receiving God’s love and acceptance for myself, just as I am. It is out of that place of living in love that I am able to make incremental changes. I’ve begun to think of the voices of judgment and self-criticism as demonic. Can we take care of ourselves without making “self-care” yet another weapon to use to beat ourselves up with? Remember, God loves us more than we can imagine, and has compassion for us, more than we often have for ourselves. Change comes slowly! What would a grace-filled approach to self-care and fitness look like? Perhaps some baby steps: one minute of prayer, a five minute walk, turning off electronics for one hour.

People are very different in this regard. I do really well with steady daily habits. One mentor of mine would spend several hours in prayer once a week, rather than every day. I don’t think there’s one right way to do it. People have different levels of tolerance for workload. Balance may be unachievable, but life with a certain rhythm over time is better. Living with the tension of work undone, or work unfinished, is an inevitable part of ministry. Learn to know yourself better and do what works best for you, and see if you can develop your repertoire and include some areas that are a stretch for you.

Bill Easum has a great post over on Church Central, where I also blog, on Why Pastors Should Know what Everyone Gives. Read it.

Are you feeling the need to reinvent yourself in ministry? I’ve been listening to and reading about the singer Tony Bennett lately. I’m finding it an inspiration. Here are four items I’ve been reflecting on:

1. Be yourself, and do what you do best. Bennett’s career took a downturn in the 60s and 70s with the rise of rock music. His label, Columbia, made him do an album of pop music (a dismal failure by everyone’s standards). He said it literally made him sick to do that album. And he quit the label. He has stuck with the songs he loves, including his signature song, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.” He reinvented himself for a new era – but he didn’t stop doing what he does best. In ministry, plenty of people will try to tell you what you ought to be and do. While adaptability is important, don’t compromise the core of who you are. That’s what God made you to do.

2. Collaborate with younger people. When Bennett hit bottom in 1979, he asked his son to take over as his manager. And he listened to what his son said. He sang on MTV. He did an album of duets a few years ago with musicians like Elvis Costello and K.D. Lang. The result: A career that has gone on into his 80s. My young adult children know who he is (and not just because I’ve told them). For those of us who are getting older in ministry, developing relationships with creative and energetic younger folks can put some juice into our own work.

3. Express yourself creatively outside of ministry. Bennett began drawing as a child and never stopped. He studied painting seriously in the 1970s when his singing career was not going so well. He’s had exhibits of his paintings. (See his art work here.) What do you do that gives you creative satisfaction that is not at church? It’s a God-given gift, and it will feed your ministry.

4. Keep learning. Tony Bennett says the best advice he ever got was from the cellist Pablo Casals: “At any given moment you can learn.” Bennett says, “Isn’t that wonderful? The way he spoke. The way he spoke…” (Tony Bennett in the Studio: A life of Art and Music, p. 158). No matter what the challenges of ministry, of the wider society and even our personal lives, we can learn at any moment.

Pastoral leaders need to pay attention to their own personal finances. If we can be thoughtful about personal money management, it will help our leadership in stewardship and church finances. You can’t lead others where you haven’t gone yourself. Does this mean that you have to get yourself together completely before you can lead people to work on their own financial issues? No. But you have to be honestly working on your own life with money.

These matters are not just financial: they are emotional and spiritual. We can make anxious choices about money, whether we are spending with a credit card, postponing investment decisions, or never asking for a raise because people might get upset. Or we can make thoughtful choices and take responsibility for our own financial future-which can be hard. I know this myself: I’ve taken years to make certain financial decisions.

Here are some ways I have found to work on these issues: I’ve learned more about the history of how my family has dealt with money through the generations. I’ve joined a financial accountability group where I make commitments every month on actions I will take about financial matters. And I’m cultivating the spiritual practice of tracking my own anxiety about money daily, recognizing that the fear I can feel is not from God.

My spiritual director talks about the way money has us, rather than us having money. When money has us, we are emotionally fused with it. We are dependent on it in ways beyond the material. This is true whether we have a lot or a little, whether we are right on top of all our records, bills and investments or we have piles of unopened statements on the dining room table. It’s true of congregations, too: does your church have money, or does money have your church? When money has us, it’s hard for God to have us. Our fear about money gets in the way of our relationship with God and our leadership in the congregation. How might your own financial situation be influencing your role in the church’s finances?

Have the goal of being less anxious. I’m never going to be non-anxious about money, but I’m less anxious about it than I used to be. I’m better able to manage my money, plan about it and make decisions about it – and trust that God is caring for me, now and into the future. Money “has me” less than it used to. I am freer. And I can testify that a little lower anxiety goes a long way, both at church and in personal life.

Here are some questions to consider as you work on your own personal finances:

1. How do you make decisions about money?
2. What are your patterns of saving? Spending? Giving?
3. What resources do you have to help you make decisions? (Denominational resources, fee-based financial advisers, books or periodicals or online resources you like.)
4. If you struggle in this area, what would be one very small step you could take to help yourself?
5. If you are strong financially, what is the next thing you need to do?

In your church, who knows who gives, and who knows how much they give? This is a question that has come up on a number of the teleconferences this year. My June guest, Charles LaFond, expressed very strongly his view that the minister needs to know. And I understand that in Episcopal churches that is standard practice. In my own Baptist tradition there’s often a practice that the pastor does not know.

One of the problems when the pastor doesn’t know is that key leaders, including board members, may be giving nothing or next to nothing. Or members who are making a lot of trouble may be giving nothing. And no one knows except the financial secretary. When the pastor doesn’t know, there’s a triangle between him or her, the member, and the record-keeper, with the pastor on the outside. In something as important as financial stewardship, I’m coming to think that’s not a good thing.

I know that some churches have high anxiety about this issue. The church I served for 13 years was one of them. I have to confess I never fought this battle. But I did finally make my own pledge public: I figured I could tell my own secret. That alone gave me more freedom in preaching and teaching about stewardship.

At a recent presentation I gave on churches and money, I asked people to submit questions they had on the topic. One person wrote down a comment: “For a long time I thought I shouldn’t know what people gave. I have now come to understand I can be a better pastor if I know someone is hurting, and I am more confident in myself that I won’t play favorites with bigger givers. I also see giving as discipleship and I’m called to help people grow in this area too. I’m not there, but I am growing.” Well said.

What do you think?

“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.” Francis Bacon

My husband, Karl, a reference librarian, sometimes brings me home quotes he has come across in his work. This week he gave me this Francis Bacon quote. In church leadership and in pastoral care, sometimes questions are more important than answers. Our need to have the answers sometimes comes out of our own anxiety — we can feel like we are there to solve problems, to help people and to fix things. Asking thoughtful questions can help others find their own resources. It can be tempting to make the questions leading ones: “Don’t you think you should….?” But it’s more helpful to ask open-ended questions, the kind that cause people to pause and stare into the distance and truly reflect on their life, or on the life of the church. I notice when someone asks me a good question, I calm down and can think more clearly.

What’s the proportion of questions to answers in your conversations with folks?

Are you feeling discouraged? Is it hard to see signs of hope? Last week I had the chance to visit another great museum, the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC. I was delighted to see they had a special exhibition of the abstract painter Mark Rothko. I had enjoyed his paintings at my recent visit to the Museum of Modern Art in New York, where I was struck by the rich color in his work. I went up the steps to the tower room in the National Gallery — and entered a room with nine black paintings. The museum describes this exhibit as Rothko’s “black on black” paintings, done in 1964. I was disappointed — I wanted to see color. But as I looked more closely, I could see that the work was far more subtle than that. Rothko used not only black, but rich shades of purple and gray. Every painting was different, and beautiful. Here’s an example of one of the works from the museum’s website.

I can see gloom and doom in a situation, or write someone off as hopeless. But if I can take the time to be curious and actually look and listen, I usually find some signs of strength and resourcefulness — and beauty. Where might you take the time to pay closer attention, to look beyond the obvious?

Charles LaFond had some fascinating things to say about money and spirituality in the life of the church in Thursday’s teleconference. He said only half of the financial stewardship task is to raise the money: “It’s also a pastoral ministry with people who are having to deal with money every day.” He suggested that people are longing for the church to speak on this topic. “They know in their gut that spending money on themselves is not the goal. People are in this maelstrom, this storm in which fear and money converge. They are looking for a way to make right their relationships with God and with money.” This struck me — how often do we think of the stewardship campaign as pastoral.

He suggested that talking about the issue of money and how we live our life in relationship to it is an urgent matter, similar to what priests and ministers in London where people had experienced death and destruction in plague and the Great Fire. Preachers had to talk about it, and in the same way, clergy need to address the issue of money. “Our version of plague and fire is money, our greed, and the commercialization of language.” He suggested that in this day, clergy need to “preach boldly about money and possessions.” They also need to be teaching the essentials of the spiritual life such as silence, sabbath and spiritual practice — even beginning by suggesting families light a candle for five minutes in the morning.

And of course, that means that clergy need a spiritual life of their own. He said that in his ministry of spiritual direction at a retreat house for several years, he was struck so often by how exhausted and “un-sabbathed” the clergy were. Now in his conversations with churches before he does stewardship consulting, he first talks with the clergy and key lay leaders about their own spiritual lives.

The Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire has some wonderful stewardship resources on their website. The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com, and I’ll send you the link.