Anne Dilenschneider wrote an outstanding piece in the Huffington Post a couple of weeks ago, Soul Care and the Roots of Clergy Burnout. She says, “The witness of spiritual directors over the centuries is that the leader’s need to ‘make a difference’ — the need to find personal significance through effectiveness — must be set aside in order to be ‘made different’ — the deeper need to discover one’s renewed identity through relationship with God.”

I think being effective leaders is critical. It’s a big part of the work I do with clergy. But it’s not the most important thing. Our own relationship with God and our experience of God’s love apart from what we produce is far more important.

What do you think?

1. Write down what your values about money are. It’s hard to lead others in this area if you are not clear yourself.

2. Start conversations with others, especially church leaders, where you ask them questions about their values about money. This is a contribution to them as well as to congregational life. Do this in a light and curious way, rather than a heavy-handed way.

3. Preach a sermon where you articulate your values about money to the congregation. Do this at a time which is not stewardship/pledge time.

4. Review your own spending. Compare your actual use of money with your stated values about it.

5. Assess the church budget to see what you think it says about the actual values of the congregation. Ask other leaders what they think the budget says about the church’s values (without trying to convince them to agree with your assessment).

6. Read some of the Scripture passages about money and try to imagine you are reading them for the first time. What values are expressed? Be open to surprising new perspectives.

7. Notice, without judgment, the choices you and others make about the church’s financial resources. See what you can learn over time about what is most valued.

8. Ask yourself, if you were going to add a new value about money, what would it be? (For example: generosity to self, tithing, buying locally.) Try acting as if this were one of your values for a day or a week.

9. Interview your best friend to find out what his or her values around money are. Notice how the responses are similar to and different from your own.

10. Put your own statement of values where you will find it a year from now. When you read it, notice if anything has changed.

So what are some ways we can find greater health in our lives? My own experience and that of the many clergy with whom I coach and consult suggest most clergy are overfunctioners – we take too much responsibility for others and for the life of the church. This can lead to burnout, and to not enough time for family and for self-care. Asking clear questions such as: whose responsibility is this? Is it really mine? When do I need to let go? help create time and energy for the rest of life.

Mark says when Jesus and the disciples “had no leisure even to eat,” Jesus took them away from everything (Mark 7:31-32). Of course, they immediately got sucked in when people followed after Jesus. But Jesus at least made the effort to get away even when the workload was overwhelming.

We will never find greater health and wellness if we only think we “should” do it. More and more I’m working on receiving God’s love and acceptance for myself, just as I am. It is out of that place of living in love that I am able to make incremental changes. I’ve begun to think of the voices of judgment and self-criticism as demonic. Can we take care of ourselves without making “self-care” yet another weapon to use to beat ourselves up with? Remember, God loves us more than we can imagine, and has compassion for us, more than we often have for ourselves. Change comes slowly! What would a grace-filled approach to self-care and fitness look like? Perhaps some baby steps: one minute of prayer, a five minute walk, turning off electronics for one hour.

People are very different in this regard. I do really well with steady daily habits. One mentor of mine would spend several hours in prayer once a week, rather than every day. I don’t think there’s one right way to do it. People have different levels of tolerance for workload. Balance may be unachievable, but life with a certain rhythm over time is better. Living with the tension of work undone, or work unfinished, is an inevitable part of ministry. Learn to know yourself better and do what works best for you, and see if you can develop your repertoire and include some areas that are a stretch for you.

1. Be yourself, and do what you do best. Bennett’s career took a downturn in the 60s and 70s with the rise of rock music. His label, Columbia, made him do an album of pop music (a dismal failure by everyone’s standards). He said it literally made him sick to do that album. And he quit the label. He has stuck with the songs he loves, including his signature song, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.” He reinvented himself for a new era – but he didn’t stop doing what he does best. In ministry, plenty of people will try to tell you what you ought to be and do. While adaptability is important, don’t compromise the core of who you are. That’s what God made you to do.

2. Collaborate with younger people. When Bennett hit bottom in 1979, he asked his son to take over as his manager. And he listened to what his son said. He sang on MTV. He did an album of duets a few years ago with musicians like Elvis Costello and K.D. Lang. The result: A career that has gone on into his 80s. My young adult children know who he is (and not just because I’ve told them). For those of us who are getting older in ministry, developing relationships with creative and energetic younger folks can put some juice into our own work.

3. Express yourself creatively outside of ministry. Bennett began drawing as a child and never stopped. He studied painting seriously in the 1970s when his singing career was not going so well. He’s had exhibits of his paintings. (See his art work here.) What do you do that gives you creative satisfaction that is not at church? It’s a God-given gift, and it will feed your ministry.

4. Keep learning. Tony Bennett says the best advice he ever got was from the cellist Pablo Casals: “At any given moment you can learn.” Bennett says, “Isn’t that wonderful? The way he spoke. The way he spoke…” (Tony Bennett in the Studio: A life of Art and Music, p. 158). No matter what the challenges of ministry, of the wider society and even our personal lives, we can learn at any moment.

She said some clergy say to her, “God will provide.” She says, “I believe God provides for us, but God gives us tools to get involved.” For those who are stuck in this area, she suggests expressing an intent to want to do something about it. “If there’s no desire, it’s not going to happen.” She suggests taking one small step at a time to move forward.

Asked how clergy might deal with the economic uncertainty we all face, she said, “I like to focus on things that you have control over.” These are items such as what you spend, what you can save, the length of time you are invested, and investing in a variety of investments. What you don’t have control over is market return. She suggests ignoring all the TV shows and financial magazines which say one thing one day and another the next.

The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com, and I’ll send you the link. Kathleen Rehl is the author of Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows, coming out next week.

This is the next of a series of conversations with leaders on money and ministry, the topic of my forthcoming book. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com with your interest, and I’ll send you call-in information. If you can’t make the call, a recording will be available. There is no charge for the teleconference (long-distance charges apply) or the recording.

I hope you can make it Thursday!

These matters are not just financial: they are emotional and spiritual. We can make anxious choices about money, whether we are spending with a credit card, postponing investment decisions, or never asking for a raise because people might get upset. Or we can make thoughtful choices and take responsibility for our own financial future-which can be hard. I know this myself: I’ve taken years to make certain financial decisions.

Here are some ways I have found to work on these issues: I’ve learned more about the history of how my family has dealt with money through the generations. I’ve joined a financial accountability group where I make commitments every month on actions I will take about financial matters. And I’m cultivating the spiritual practice of tracking my own anxiety about money daily, recognizing that the fear I can feel is not from God.

My spiritual director talks about the way money has us, rather than us having money. When money has us, we are emotionally fused with it. We are dependent on it in ways beyond the material. This is true whether we have a lot or a little, whether we are right on top of all our records, bills and investments or we have piles of unopened statements on the dining room table. It’s true of congregations, too: does your church have money, or does money have your church? When money has us, it’s hard for God to have us. Our fear about money gets in the way of our relationship with God and our leadership in the congregation. How might your own financial situation be influencing your role in the church’s finances?

Have the goal of being less anxious. I’m never going to be non-anxious about money, but I’m less anxious about it than I used to be. I’m better able to manage my money, plan about it and make decisions about it – and trust that God is caring for me, now and into the future. Money “has me” less than it used to. I am freer. And I can testify that a little lower anxiety goes a long way, both at church and in personal life.

Here are some questions to consider as you work on your own personal finances:

1. How do you make decisions about money?
2. What are your patterns of saving? Spending? Giving?
3. What resources do you have to help you make decisions? (Denominational resources, fee-based financial advisers, books or periodicals or online resources you like.)
4. If you struggle in this area, what would be one very small step you could take to help yourself?
5. If you are strong financially, what is the next thing you need to do?

One of the problems when the pastor doesn’t know is that key leaders, including board members, may be giving nothing or next to nothing. Or members who are making a lot of trouble may be giving nothing. And no one knows except the financial secretary. When the pastor doesn’t know, there’s a triangle between him or her, the member, and the record-keeper, with the pastor on the outside. In something as important as financial stewardship, I’m coming to think that’s not a good thing.

I know that some churches have high anxiety about this issue. The church I served for 13 years was one of them. I have to confess I never fought this battle. But I did finally make my own pledge public: I figured I could tell my own secret. That alone gave me more freedom in preaching and teaching about stewardship.

At a recent presentation I gave on churches and money, I asked people to submit questions they had on the topic. One person wrote down a comment: “For a long time I thought I shouldn’t know what people gave. I have now come to understand I can be a better pastor if I know someone is hurting, and I am more confident in myself that I won’t play favorites with bigger givers. I also see giving as discipleship and I’m called to help people grow in this area too. I’m not there, but I am growing.” Well said.

What do you think?