I’m reading Mark Twain’s Innocents Abroad for a new book group I’m in which is reading classic books (you know, all the stuff you read–or didn’t read–in high school and college). I was a bit sceptical, especially when I found out it’s 700 pages long. But I’m loving it! Twain’s writing style and pointed perspective is hilarious. He satirizes Europeans and Americans equally.

As a congregational leader, particularly when we are new to a congregation, we are traversing a foreign country, even if we just moved across town. We bring our own prejudices, and the church members have theirs. Sometimes a clash occurs, or a misunderstanding, as when Twain desperately tried to obtain some soap in a public bath in Italy. If we can maintain our sense of humor, as Twain did so well, we’ll be better able to learn the territory. If we can laugh at ourselves and ask genuine questions, we’ll learn the territory more quickly and avoid the Ugly American reputation.

“Explore, and explore. Be neither chided nor flattered out of your position of perpetual inquiry. Neither dogmatize, or accept another’s dogmatism.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m applying this not to “dogma” in the sense of doctrine, but to our view of the gatherings of humans we are a part of, both families and churches. We have our own dogmas, our own points of view. Others will tell us their points of view. Rather than accepting our own perspective as it stands, or that of others, Emerson suggests we continue to be curious, and explore what is in front of us. This attitude will help our leadership and our relationships, because we can be open to new learnings about others.

Is your focus on the present, or the future? My friend Israel Galindo sent me a writing book, A Writer’s Book of Days, by Judy Reeves, which I’ve been using daily this year. The book includes a writing prompt for every day of the year, a phrase to write about every day, just for practice. Today’s prompt was this: “in the meantime…” As I wrote I realized yet again how much my mind flies away down the path to the future. The present becomes nothing more than “the meantime,” the time we are marking until the real stuff happens.

Considering the future, clarifying goals, making plans, is all an important part of leadership. But the only moment we can experience is the present one. The present is not simply a prelude to the future. If we only think about the future, we don’t really show up in the present.

Stop right now and take a deep breath. Look out the window. What do you see? Look at the next person who crosses your path. What do you see? This moment is not simply the meantime: it is all we have. It is the only moment we can truly experience God’s presence.

A couple of months ago I wrote in the article “What’s a Leader to Do?” a list which included this: “Respect the boundary between yourself and others.” Several of you asked to hear more about this question. Human relationships, both personal and professional, work better when people have enough emotional space between them. The issue of boundaries shows up in a number of ways:

1. Decision-making. At times of high anxiety, people tend to crowd together-what Edwin Friedman called “herding” (see his excellent reissued book A Failure of Nerve) They insistently recruit others for their point of view, they stigmatize those who have a different perspective, and they assume they know best. As leaders, we bear key responsibilities, and there are decisions we have to make, and not everyone will be happy. But when we allow people their own opinion rather than willfully insisting they agree, we make room for them to come along. Can you give someone room to say, “I disagree?” One church leader put it this way: “You can disagree and stay.”

2. Relating to individuals in need. Those in the helping professions especially can offer that help in a way that crosses boundaries. I notice as a parent when I get anxious I give too much advice, in a way my kids can’t even begin to hear. When someone is facing life challenges, leaders can often become invasively helpful. Some questions: are they asking for help or advice? Is this a short-term need or a chronic situation? How does this use of time fit with wider goals?

3. Helping others grow in their work. The balance here is giving appropriate help, without crossing a boundary. Overfunctioning for people by stepping in unnecessarily will not help them grow. On other hand, those who are learning do need connection and support. When leaders are too distant or set too rigid boundaries, that can be as much of a problem as hovering too closely.

All of these come back to yourself as a leader and how you manage yourself. Managing self is the most important daily task of leadership. When you stay calmer, you can think more clearly about where the line is between yourself and others.

Today I’m headed to Minnesota for the Winter Convocation of the Minnesota Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church, as well as an event with the Southwestern Minnesota Minnesota Synod (Lutheran). In addition to planning my wardrobe to meet the weather, I’m gathering books to read en route. I like to read books on a plane that I don’t have time to sit down and read when I’m at home.

Here’s my list for this trip: Life Together, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which was sent to me by an audience member late last year. I’ve never read it, and I’m looking forward to it.

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson, in preparation for a workshop on the Enneagram I’ll be attending later this month.

Finally, Joanne Fluke’s Lemon Meringue Pie Murder. I just started this: it’s a charming mystery set in Minnesota in June (so I can see what I’m missing in January). I may throw in just one more paperback mystery since my idea of hell is running out of things to read.

What do you like to read on the road (or books you listen to, if you drive)?

It’s easy for church leaders to lose their sense of humor in January. Winter weather takes its toll. Many churches have annual meetings this month, and finalizing the budgeting and nominating processes can be stressful.

Here’s another approach: what can you learn about your church’s story, past and present? Perhaps annual meeting time can bring out the memories of long-term members. What new perspective can you gain on this unique church you are a part of? Every congregation is fascinating. How can you tease out what it is they do and when? (Asking “why” is rarely useful.) What are the patterns that you see? When we can remain curious about our church’s story, past and present, we will be less likely to become willful, frustrated, or burned out.

Cultivating curiosity about your church might even be better than a trip to the Caribbean. The impact lasts longer. And it’s free!

This headline caught my eye in yesterday’s Portland Oregonian. I’m not a pet owner so I don’t usually read this column. But the headline alone was worth the price of the paper. It highlights the place of our response in dealing with challenging circumstances. Columnist Deborah Wood suggests that the safest response to an aggressive dog is to remain still. She says schools teach kids to “be a tree.”

When we’re talking about aggressive church members, being passive is not always a good idea. But, as Wood says, “Running, yelling, direct eye contact and moving your arms are all likely to make things more dangerous.” When we get aggressive in turn, or panic, the situation is likely to escalate.

Perhaps the most important lesson is that the problem is not only “in” the people we perceive as the problem. Our response to them plays a role in the difficulties. When we can stay calm (not an easy matter) and keep our heads, we’ll find it easier to navigate thorny relationships. And other key leaders, who can be critical allies when things heat up, will also be more likely to think clearly and keep the congregation’s best interests in view.

If you were only going to do one new thing in 2008, what would it be? We can find it easy to draw up a list of grandiose plans for the year: remake our ministry, transform our diet, read all those books, finally, and get organized at last. More and more I’m convinced that simpler is better: pay attention to the moment, notice God’s presence here and now, do the next thing.

In 2007 I decided to write at least three pages at least five days a week. That one thing, the next thing, changed me. I began to think, writers write every day, I’m writing every day: I must be a writer. Now, I’ve been writing articles and papers for ten years. I already was a writer. But now my image of myself is as a writer, and something is different. I’ve been offered a book contract, and I have a draft of a new book…stay tuned. And I’m still writing every day.

What’s the next thing for you?