Peter Steinke offered a useful perspective on leadership in a crisis on today’s teleconference. He mentioned several things that he does in his consulting work with congregations that can be useful for leaders:

1. Always use “I” statements: “I believe,” “I feel,” “I think.” This helps you stay in control. He said, “The minute you begin saying ‘you,’ you are out of control.”

2. When there is a meeting to discuss a hot issue, always have guidelines: how long, how people will speak (for example, not using “you” statements), and how long they will speak. “Structure corrals anxiety,” he said.

3. Have a clear contract about what your role and responsibility is. “People when they get anxious will try to tell you what your role is going to be.”

Steinke also talked about the importance of developing better self-regulation. He suggested, “when you want to shoot right away, pull back a little.” He also recommended asking a lot of questions for clarity: “Let me make sure I understand…”

The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com, and I’ll send you the link.

Reminder: Join me this Thursday, September 24, at 9 Pacific/10 Mountain/11 Central/noon Eastern Time for a one hour conference call conversation with Peter Steinke on the topic, “How Do You Handle a Crisis?”

Peter Steinke is the author of Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times: Being Calm and Courageous No Matter What (Alban). He is an internationally respected congregational systems consultant who has also served as a parish pastor, an educator, and a therapist for clergy.

I hope you can make it Thursday!

E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com with your interest, and I’ll send you call-in information. If you can’t make the call, a recording will be available.

This is one in a series of conversations with leaders on the subject of my new book, Leaders Who Last: Sustaining Yourself and Your Ministry, from Seabury (now available on Amazon).

(This post is a repeat from two years ago, in preparation for the upcoming teleconference interview with Peter Steinke on leadership in a crisis. See below for more information.)

We’ve all experienced those crisis moments: the phone call comes, or you open the e-mail, and
disaster, small or large, has struck. What’s your first response in a crisis? Your first reaction
may be to panic. Your heart starts to pound. Your body is overtaken by anxiety. What should
you do now?

Here are five tips for handling a crisis. Tips one and two will help you respond better in the
moment the crisis breaks.

1. Focus on yourself first. Your own functioning is critical: you need to handle
yourself, not the crisis. Panic is contagious. But so is calm, and if you can keep your
own anxiety down, everyone will make better decisions.

2. Breathe. Oxygen literally helps your brain work better. When you feel your
heart start pounding, stop and take a few deep breaths.

Over time, keep focusing on your own functioning, and keep breathing. Some crises take some
time to resolve. The following tips will help you as you continue to respond.

3. Think. If you can reflect on the crisis rather than simply reacting to it, you’ll
be better able to manage yourself. Here are some questions to consider: Why now?
(Crises usually don’t come out of nowhere.) Who else besides me needs to share this
responsibility? What’s the worst that could happen, and how would I handle that?

4. Get thoughtful counsel. We often go looking for advice in a crisis, but choose
your advisers carefully. Look for those who can ask good questions, and offer a bit of a
challenge along with the necessary hand-holding. Spend time with people who are
calmer than you are.

5. Pray. Or meditate, or whatever works to help you get the bigger picture. And
there’s always a bigger picture. No crisis is ultimate. The story will always go on, and
when we can tap into a larger hope, we will lead better, especially in crisis.

Most crises are not as disastrous as the initial panic indicates. Even if the worst happens,
whatever that may be for you, this approach will continue to help you. But if you can keep your
head, and thoughtfully take steps to respond, often the turmoil will subside, and you can keep
moving forward toward your goals.

NEXT TELECONFERENCE: In 2009 I’m offering a series of conversations on the subject of my new book, Leaders Who Last: Sustaining Yourself and Your Ministry. Join me next Thursday, September 24, at 9 Pacific/10 Mountain/11 Central/noon Eastern Time, for a one hour conference call conversation with Peter Steinke, author of Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times on the topic, Leadership in a Crisis.

E-mail me at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com with your interest, and I’ll send you call-in information. If you can’t make the call, a recording will be available. There is no charge for the teleconference or the recording.

How often do you think, What do I want to do? I spent a quiet week at home last week — my husband was on vacation, and we decided to stay home. I tried an experiment with myself Labor Day and another day later in the week. What if I spent a whole day only doing what I wanted to do all day? I’m a list-driven person, and usually I find there’s always one more thing on the list that I ought to do. It was a pleasure to let go of the list.

Here are some things I found myself doing: taking a walk, reading a novel, baking bread, watching a comic video (the brilliant British comedian Eddie Izzard), playing the piano, making dinner. Here’s what I didn’t find myself doing: blogging (obviously…), reading books about church and/or leadership, cleaning the house. I didn’t even find myself heading out to go do something active, except for a walk in my neighborhood.

I’m thinking I don’t have to limit this to a vacation week. Could I do this every day? What about you? Can you ask yourself, at least once a day, What do I want to do?

My link yesterday to Israel Galindo’s post on trying to change others generated quite a few comments, especially on Facebook. Some questions arose about preaching, and I made this comment: “As a preacher I did begin to shift my thinking about the task at hand from telling people what they ought to do to sharing as clearly as I could my own understanding. A mentor of mine, Larry Matthews, talks about saying, ‘That’s just how I see it.’”

Israel himself wrote an article for Congregations a couple of years ago called What’s Systems Theory Got to Do with It? Addressing Congregations’ Emotional Processes in Our Preaching. It highlights the fact that we must consider far more than rational content when preaching to a congregation over the long term.

My colleague, Israel Galindo, had a great post yesterday on “Changing Others, Changing Self.” He includes some outstanding self-assessment questions. The questions themselves highlight how difficult it is to step back from imposing our will on others. This is true in all kinds of leadership, including (and perhaps especially) parenting.